She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
