Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
