she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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