so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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