the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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