Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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