Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
