Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
