Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
that's an acceptable place to lick
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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