I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
