Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
