I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
