just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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