So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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