All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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