Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just pee around me
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
