you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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