thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
