sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
