Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
