saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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