DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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