what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
