Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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