Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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