Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
