I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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