Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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