You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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