..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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