We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
