STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
