i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
