how can u be prego again
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
