im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
