dude i'm inner monologue high
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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