happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
