Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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