Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
