i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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