I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
