I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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