that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
