I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
