His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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