i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
