hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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