worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
