Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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