You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
